Those of you with a keen eye will have noticed that the last time I updated this blog was over a month ago. Of course, I mentioned in an earlier blog entry that my posts would be reduced from being on a weekly basis to whenever I felt an urge to write. And here we are; this blog has been receiving less and less updates ever since April, when my second semester at Waseda began.
It took 10 months to cook aesthetically pleasing things
Back in the early days of this blog, I made it a point to mention that A Swan In Tokyo was my personal growth project. After one of the worst years of my life (something I have no qualms in saying now), I needed something to keep me not only grounded but accountable for my own actions. Those with a very keen eye will have noticed that back in June and July of last year I posted many many times, the contents being my own very chaotic and ever-changing feelings on a variety of topics very close to my heart. I needed an outlet for that, and when the idea came to me that I should create this blog, and pour my heart out into it? That’s one of the best decisions I’ve made, probably in my whole life. It has been my digital shoulder to lie on, but now, I no longer lie on it – rather, I give it a loving little visit from time to time.
A few weeks ago I was constantly thinking about how I haven’t been updating this blog as much as I used to, but now here I am – having passed the ten-month point of my time living here in Japan. The way I am now, I’ve come to realise that it’s so very good that I don’t need the crutch that this blog provided me as much as I used to anymore. I’m in an area of such content with my life and the people that I surround myself with that I no longer feel the need to be expressing myself weekly on this platform any more, and that is what I’ve been striving to achieve this whole year. That is the state of mind that I’ve been looking for.
Even the sky in roppongi is scary
Coming here to Japan and leaving behind everything has been one of the best things to ever happen to me, because it’s given me such a sense of perspective. The past few weeks I had this strange kind of sadness lingering on me and I attributed that to me being sad that I’m leaving Japan, but after a little bit of self-reflection I figured out that this sadness that I’m feeling is not so much… sadness, but a kind of bittersweet realisation that in this lifetime I will never have the experience of coming to Japan on my own as a student for the first time ever again – of feeling the sensation that this is a whole new world for me to explore, for me alone to touch and taste and feel and get to know. This place, and this experience, has done so much for me in terms of my personal growth. I look back on the person that I used to be and I hardly recognise her and that is the biggest gift I’ve ever been able to give not only to myself but to the others around me.
The future of this blog is unclear – and that’s a good thing! It’s just as important to not live too far into the future as it is to not let yourself fall into the past. I think we as humans should be teaching and repeating that simple fact to each other as much as we can. I make steps every single day to live life more in the present and though every so often I get somewhat regressive thoughts (“Let’s become active on Instagram again!”), thoughts are what they stay as. It’s important to have a level of trust in yourself and the actions that you have taken in the past, so I can safely say that my decision last year to purge myself of a lot of my social media is a decision that I will be sticking to unless something absolutely crazy happens (who knows?).
4am Shinjuku bubblegum mornings
Speaking of social media, one thing I’m thinking of doing is separating myself from A Swan In Tokyo in terms of identity on Twitter and using my own name as a handle, and using it as more of an extension of this blog than I have been. In other words, rather than constantly writing long blog posts about this or that (which can get tedious) I’ll use that shorter format. That’s what makes Twitter so popular, after all. It’s just a potential at the moment because, as we’ve established, I’m not huge on social media but I’ll see where the future takes me.
To finish off this post, the other day I received an email that I apparently setup via an email forwarding service back in May last year. Some kind of future mail written from the me of the past so that I’d receive it in the future. An excerpt: “Has Japan given you the ability to find happiness in all that you do?”.
So, my own little note to the me of the past, here on the 6th July 2018: “I have reawakened, in us, the ability to create happiness in all that we do.”